If you are approaching that early mid life crisis that most intelligent people have, then right about now you are likely to be considering your options. Should I stay or should I go? Should I try a different job or even more daring, a career change. Or do you fall into the trap that reads - if I'm going to make a change - it might as well be a big one. Well - don't do it. Stay where you are - the grass is no greener - trust me.

I fell for it. I uprooted my family and abandoned my second career almost entirely. I fell for the clean green, outdoor image of New Zealand in exchange for my urban stereotype existence working somewhere near Hemel Hempstead in England. I swapped my hour long commute for an hour long commute in better countryside. I took a significant drop in wages to find that the cost of living here is much, much higher than in England. The work culture is laid back and the scenery is fantastic - until it rains. Then you and your bored children sit inside and get on each others nerves until the electric goes off.

Mortgage rates are over ten percent and rising. Savings companies and financial institutions are going bust. It's also election year - so the usual war of words and false promises is well under way. Summer is over and the storms and floods are imminent. Alcohol and substance abuse is rife - but hey, what else is there to do once you've watched the second repeat of the Bill on your standard Sky package?

So why did I come?

Clever advertising really. I read the tourist books, I Googled the house prices and I read the blogs. I went to the Expo's and fell for the lifestyle image and actually believed that there was little or no crime. Clearly the Trades Description Act is not an international document. Many things you read about New Zealand are blatantly untrue. Check out the immigration statistics for New Zealand. Tens of thousands of Kiwis are leaving for Australia every year. Better pay, better conditions. New Zealand employers are still under the impression that they are doing you a favour by giving you a job. Benefits - you don't have to wear a tie - that's about it.

Every night I look longingly at the deck outside my house and wish I could sit out in the evening without being bitten by mossies. My house has lost ten per cent of its value in less than a year - but my rates are going up, so is fuel, so is food.

Just another winging POM?

Not a chance - the locals beat you hands down in the complaining stakes. They don't have much news, so they spend their spare time writing to local papers who are edited by people who couldn't find work in advanced countries. Anything you do in the public eye will bring criticism, mostly uninformed drivel, and it will be very personal.

What about the recession?

It's not just coming, it's already here. If you have cash to buy a house or piece of land outright then you are laughing as it will go back up in a couple of years. If you need a mortgage - don't come. In fact if you are planning on living anywhere remote or in the bigger cities then just wait for a year or so.

See you soon.

It's not all a bed of roses, you know. It's expensive to live and expensive to be unhealthy. Wages are low and benefits are few and far between anywhere outside the largest cities. Standards of Health and Safety are low in general, with a few bizarre areas where the safety police have gone overboard. You can drink and drive your power boat, and let fifteen year olds drive themselves to school.

You can walk on tracks no wider than your arm on the edge of crumbling cliffs and throw yourselves off buildings and bridges - but don't even think about having an open swimming pool in case Johnny from the next road decides he wants to take an uninvited dip. Food hygiene is best described as random and food prices are bumped up from being just not good value for the amount you have to fork out, to downright unbelievable on Public Holidays.

Driving on the public roads is an amateur sport here. It's enjoyed by many. Corners are for taking at any speed at which at least two wheels will stay in contact with the gravel (yes gravel, don't expect all the roads to have tarmac) and indicating before you turn simply means you're scared or have no license. Trucks own the road, argue at your peril.

Still reading?

What About the Fantastic Scenery and the Clean, Green Image?

Okay. As much as there are bad things, there are plenty of good things to balance them out. Generally, New Zealanders are very community minded and respectful, both of people and property. Your kids will be safer, and you can find a beach to yourself if that's what you want. You can lose yourself in the woods, hide in the valleys and live off the land if that's what floats your boat. Saturdays are for sport. Watching it, playing it or just sitting round and re-living it.

Summer in a country with this many beaches means that all other worries just melt away. The fishing is sublime. In boats, in kayaks or from the rocks. In less than a year you will be an expert and can safely catch enough to feed your family. You know when you've cracked it when the value of fish you catch is more than the amount you've just spent on bait!

Life is slower here, but you can stay busy all year round. Tourism is a major part of life and is actively promoted, but it can be very seasonal. The scale of events and attractions is the one point you have to make an early decision on. An “international” attraction may be less than the size of your double garage. All the rides in some Theme parks can be done twice in two hours.

But put the commercial tourism aside, walk and talk with the locals and enjoy what they enjoy, and it soon becomes clear exactly what the attraction of New Zealand is. It's the variety, it's the plain speaking and if you're not too naïve - the opportunity.