High profile services provided by Karim and his premen include traffic control, parking, riding escort, redirecting people and vehicles during weddings and funerals live-stock recovery and collection for local charities. Less visible services include, allocating sidewalk-space to vendors, real estate for rent or sale, organize efficient deployment of ojeks (motor-cycle taxis), debt collection, organizing demonstrations and providing secret pipelines to cooperative policemen. There are other services provided by Karim and his men for a pay-what-you-feel-like fee. Many preman services are apt for travelers or tourists.

National Customer Services

What exactly are the preman? When asked, most Indonesians say it means, gangster. They reply so good humorously that it leaves you rather skeptical. .Karim scoffed. “Bullshit,”he said. “We are a national customer service organization. The best!” he said thumping his chest.” Better than Bank Mandiri!” he added referring to the largest bank in Indonesia and award winner for “Best Customer Service.”

“We”, he added rising to tip-toe and leaning towards me, “keep this country safe for democracy!” He wiped his forehead exhausted with his vehement defense of the country's preman network.Preman, incidentally are great fans of Rambo.

Traffic Control

Tourists to Java will encounter them soon enough. They will be seen directing traffic at U-turns or channeling traffic from side roads into the main flow. These are vital functions because only sissies give way in Java. Without the preman the economic loss to the community due to traffic gridlocks would be devastating. A police car is always parked close to purportedly to keep an eye on things. Actually it's break time for the cops.

Motorists reward preman voluntarily with a few coins. Preman don't demand payment. You make a contribution according to your means if you know what is good for you in the long run. It is well to remember for the long run that premen have an uncanny knack on being able to assess your means.

If you are driving your own car in Java and wish to park, slow down, move to the side and convey the impression that you are terribly unsure of yourself. Within a few meters a preman leaps to your aid and with a bow and a flourish guides you into a space that seems to be especially reserved exclusively for your convenience. Your car is protected for the duration you are away.

On your return, he guides you out courteously, stops the on-coming traffic and sends you on your way. This superb service will cost you about twenty cents. A tip of ten percent will be received with appreciation. If you are a pretty lady he will even throw a flirtatious kiss in your direction. They have style, these preman.

Travelers' Services

If you are traveling through Java on your own the preman can be of invaluable service. They can assist with high efficient transportation, the best of Indonesian cuisine, sight seeing, tickets to events and personal safety. The services are provided with utmost curtsey, efficiency and with good value for money. You will not be able to get similar services at the Ritz Carlton, Jakarta. Those who may be of service at the Ritz are not in their offices.

If you need preman services you must first locate a suitable preman.Preman directing traffic or parking cars are mostly unavailable for other services. They are specialists. The best way, experienced travelers say, is to hang around uncertainly around a motor-cycle taxi or ojek post. There are many of these convenient located at junctions, bus stops and railway stations.

In a while you will be approached. Don't be put of by a preman's appearance. A preman scorns sartorial splendor. Wiry, sun dried and bleached, it would be instantly obvious that his humble attire had rarely left his presence during the preceding weeks.

He will have the unlikely name of Dedi. As your personal preman he can organize transport and services to anywhere. To American Express or the best roast duck in Jakarta. Name it, Dedi can put a concierge at Ritz Carlton to shame.

Long Distance Services

If however you want to travel from Jakarta to Surabaya., Dedi can arrange it in relays. Dedi himself will take you on his Honda motorcycle to the outskirts, where Suparto (Call me Arto) is waiting with his Yamaha engine running to do the next leg. At the end of Arto's leg, Hosman will pick you up and take to nice clean accommodation at a Kost for just $10 a night with air conditioning. The proprietress, an old Chinese lady that looks like Dolly Patton today, warns you of terrible consequences if you take girls up to your room. Hosman is waiting for you in the morning to take you to a fantastic breakfast of rice and chicken for forty cents. The free flowing hot tea is on the house.

You will never have to pay for your preman's meals. For some obscure reason, that he will explain and you will never understand, preman dineat all the best Javanese roadside establishments for free.

Seeing Java from the back of a preman's Honda or Yamaha is the ideal way to go. You stop when and where you want. You may halt to poke around a wayside banana plantation to pick up a nice snack, have your head shaved bald (now the hot trend in parts of Java) spend a few minutes for a spot of Javanese reflexology watched over paternally by your preman.

Security Services

You can your preman to take good care of your safety and possessions throughout. If by any chance your laptop gets snatched while you are rapturous enjoying a superb grilled fish, don't panic. Inform your preman-of-the-moment. He will most likely jump on his Suzuki and roar off. Don't panic. He will return not only with your laptop but with the thief. You will be offered to punish the thief in your own fashion. When you decline to do so the preman and onlookers rough him about a bit send him hobbling and howling on his way.

Sightseeing Services

Yes, put yourself in the hands of the preman it is efficiency and value for money all the

way. Sight seeing is one exception. Preman can take your there but can't tell you anything about the ruins or sights. If he does it's usually ridiculous. Get you own guide book. The preman will know how to get you a Lonely Planet for cheap.

On the other hand a preman can take you to sights that are not in Lonely Planet or any other guide book. My preman once jumped off the road into a jungle track and after twenty minutes of a dark, terrifying ride deep in, he showed me a crater. He claimed it was made by a falling star three hundred years ago. I believed him. Other preman have taken me to cavernous under ground bat caves, little known, wondrously curative hot springs and a palpably evil haunted house.

The only disconcerting thing about riding pillion with a preman on Java's winding roads(once you leave the coast al areas you are going up all the time) is his using his mobile phone to talk to or to thumb out sms messages to business associates while roaring along at 100 kilometers an hour. However statistics show that riding pillion with a preman is safer than flying in Java.

Assorted Services

Once you reach your destination your preman will hand you over to a local preman.

If you choose to retain him any form of tourist service is yours for the asking. If want to go to a rock concert sponsored by one of the cigarette companies, as they usually are, ask your preman. Tickets are notoriously difficult to get for these events. Your preman will have no problems in getting you seats with the VIPs. He will pick you up at your Kost, where your Chinese proprietress looks like Michael Jackson, at the appointed time. It is part of the service to wait outside, search out, find you and steer you out through the thousands of people surging out of the stadium, after the show. Can American Express Travel and Tours beat this?

Another thing you will find useful is the preman communications network. My friend, I knew would be arriving in Medan, North Java that day. I knew nothing else of her, where she would stay or her mobile phone number. I asked my preman. He asked for a description. I am not too good about describing people but did the best I could. She called me four hours later.

This is what happened. My perman calledthe Central preman. Central then called Medan Chief Preman. He deployed his hotels and airport preman. He also alerted the Chief of the Medan motor-cycle taxis perman. An hour later it was a shopping mall perman, alerted by a quick-thinking hotel preman that spotted her at Baskin Robbins. It was later explained to me that the shopping mall preman had made a mental shortlist of likely places that a stoutish foreigner might visit. She thought, he was a pickpocket when he grabbed her elbow. After the fracas subsided she called me.

When it is time for you to go home your Preman can introduce you to dealer in Chinatown, who looks like Gordon Brown, with a stock bigger that that of an airport tax-free and priced twenty percent lower.

In Jakarta, I asked Karim if it was true that the preman were involved in prostitution and illegal gambling.

“Bullshit!” he replied indignantly.” We prevent moral decay by teaching misbehaving customers a lesson.” I didn't ask for details about the moral-reeducation programmes.

“We” he said rising on tip-toe and leaning towards me, “keep this country clean!”