1. Drink and smoke! I know it's bad for you but it's just so cheap! (A pack of 20 cigarettes costs about 75p in the small kiosks.)
2. Get felt up on Charles Bridge -it feels as though those gothic statues are looking down on you with disdain. It's a fab feeling, believe me!
3. Visit the Týn Church - actually I mean look at it from the outside. It has to be one of the creepiest most impressive buildings ever. It's in the main square - see it in the dark but don't have nightmares.
4. Visit the National Museum. The Time Out guide book refers to it as "the national yawn" and, I have to admit, I saw more mineral samples within its walls than I have ever seen before in my entire life - and hope never to see even half that many again. BUT you can follow in the footsteps of Johnny Depp as it's a location from the film "From Hell". Just as in the movie, you can parade down the majestic, red carpeted stairway. (But don't go overboard about Mr Depp in front of your current partner!)
5. Visit C and A! Yes, the old shop chain we used to laugh at still has a branch here!
6. Read Franz Kafka. "Metamorphosis" can be enjoyed in a couple of hours and you will never look on the humble beetle in the same way ever again.
7. Have a picnic lunch on the island in the river. It's only a ten minute walk from the centre but it's well worth it.
8. Eat fried cheese - Don't let anyone tell you it's bland, it is a total indulgence. And try the goulash soup.
9. Hold on to your bag in the tourist areas. Strange people hang around with their eyes on your wallet.
10. Buy a bottle of absinthe to take home - I mean, who wouldn't want to have little green fairies accompany them on the return leg of their journey?

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO IN PRAGUE

1. Drink in any bar that is not below street level - you will pay twice as much for the same beer.
2. Have sex in the afternoon. In my experience, people let themselves in to read the gas meter and you are forced to pretend that you usually spend afternoons in bed watching the only TV channel available (unfortunately listing the ups and downs of stocks and shares in German)
3. Eat in Old Town Square. It's about ten times more expensive than anywhere else.
4. Buy a puppet. They are on sale everywhere. And I have a sneaking suspicion that they will come to life and murder you in your bed once you get them home.
5. Take a taxi. Unless, of course you enjoy driving through congested streets at about 80 miles an hour, taking no notice of crossings, traffic lights, traffic lanes or even pavements.
6. Stay in a posh hotel. These all tend to be miles from the city centre. Use the internet to search out an apartment in the Staré Mesto, the old town, right in the centre of everything and full of atmosphere. The posh hotels overlook the new building sites.
7. Expect the bus to the airport to actually arrive in the right place at the right time.
8. Spend time standing in a crowd waiting for the astronomical clock to chime. Apparently, people have watched this “spectacle” since 1490, but you have to wonder why.
9. Talk about "Good King Wenceslas looking out" when in Wenceslas Square. (Yes it is the same one) Imagine just how many people do that!
10. Take the fast food eateries at face value - "Bonnie and Clyde" pizzeria is also a strip joint!