My first trip to Las Vegas was interesting and enlightening, a blessing in disguise. I only lost a couple hundred bucks to the casino, and we made it home alive.
I witnessed almost a dozen automobile accidents and was advised of three shootings during the first 48 hours. Welcome to the Wild West meets Disneyland.
All the accidents and the drive from the airport to the hotel led me to the conclusion that in Las Vegas ninety-eight percent of the people do not know how to drive, and the remaining two percent are lost. I am ashamed to say I was in both categories at one point or another during our stay.
In Las Vegas no one uses their turn signals, it must be a law, and even if they do forget and use it, it is usually to late to be meaningful. This was verified by the police officer who pulled me over and asked if I was from out of town, I said yes and asked how he knew, he said I was using my turn signal too often and it was confusing the other drivers. The road system is woefully inadequate and confusing. Please allow to me explain.
The two main arteries are 15 also known as 93 (part of the time), which runs north and south, most of the time (sometimes it goes east west). The other is 95 also known as 515 and 93, although it is perpendicular to 15/93 in downtown Las Vegas, it also runs north and south (OK, sometimes it goes east west). Not too confusing, just wait. Las Vegas Boulevard is also known as The Strip or 604, with various personality names thrown in for good luck. City planners change street names more often than I change my underwear, Industrial Drive will soon be known as Dean Martin Way, or Sammy Davis Circle or Rat Pack Drive, I am not quite sure. A four-way intersection may have four different street names, one for each direction. Many roads have two names. Good luck.
I think the rental car companies and the oil companies, worked something out with the casino conglomerates. Either that or the City planners are all dizzy from playing slots and can't see straight. In spite of them, we made it to the hotel.
Because we arrived late and the airline food was so tasty and nutritious, we ordered room service. I had a bowl of soup and a grilled cheese sandwich for $20.00 not including tip. What a bargain. The soup was lukehot and the sandwich was soggy. Much better than the airline though.
I got out my laptop to check my email and see what entertainment was available for the next day. I turned on, hooked up, and clicked only to find a new home page explaining the procedures and fees for daily use of the internet. A bargain at only $11.99 for each 24 hour period, that's a day to most of us. That is twenty times the price I pay at home.
I am starting to get the picture, grilled cheese at home about $1.25, here $12.95. So everything is between ten and twenty times normal prices. I guess I can go without, for a week. I can fax anything important, how much could that cost. Guest services graciously explained, at no charge, the $6.00 per page fee,. Wow, a casino with something for nothing, even though it was only information, I was amazed there was no catch.
OK, no grilled cheese, no internet. Wait a minute; I thought vacations were supposed to be about spoiling ourselves.
By the way, on the sixth day I found an excellent Korean/French bakery called Tresor or something like that, with couches and free internet, yes I said FREE. Better late than never. Now, if I could only find my way back
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The young man behind the counter had recently moved to Vegas from Texas with his family, he was not very happy about it, but he was very pleasant and helpful, despite his current situation.
We found many things to do through old fashion leg work and the telephone. It took way too much time but we were on a budget - eat or surf. The Hoover Dam, formerly known as Prince, I mean Boulder Dam, was a marvelous site though it appears to still be under construction. Parking was only $7.00, don't they know how close to Vegas they are?
We found out the hard way that the old fashion way has its draw backs. Everyone we talked to, including the resource center at the library, said that the north rim of the Grand Canyon was much prettier than the south rim, so we headed for the town of North Rim, only a four hour ride. They did not mention that it does not open until Spring. They close the Grand Canyon for the winter - who is in charge of this. Four hours later we were at the south rim, just after dark. What a view. If you squint you can almost see a big hole. Lucky for us there was a room available at the Lodge. The view of the canyon in the morning with sunlight was worth the trip, and it only cost us about $20.00 extra for gas to drive all the way around the Grand Canyon. Yes folks we drove all the way around the Grand Canyon. Those poor settlers. They should have set up camp upon arrival and waited for the invention of the automobile.
For our next act, we went to a comedy show. Oy vay he said over and over, but he did not complain about the tables. I guess he does not go to see shows. They were so small we could barely fit two $15.00 drinks on them. Really a coaster with legs. There were six people at the table next to us, it was like being inside a sardine can with a high roof.
We picked our next show because it was in a theater with seats. Of course my wife had to raise her hand when the comedian asked for questions from the audience. He was picking on everyone who was brave enough to do so. What was she thinking? When her turn came, she stood up to get her share of abuse, and he looked right at me, still sitting, and said, “Are you her husband?”. I guess my abuse me light was still on. I made the mistake of saying yes, and he ripped me a new one. Why me? She was standing, not me. A 6'8” Jew ripping an Arab a new one, now I know why they are still fighting in the Middle East.
We went to most of the free shows, the gay pirates vs. the whores at TI, the fountains at Bellagio, and the $20.00 roller coaster ride at NYNY.
We also went to the art exhibit displaying impressionist works from Monet to Van Gough. They gave each of us these magic wands that could explain each of the painters when you pressed the correct buttons. Lame presentation but the paintings were almost as magnificent as the Grand Canyon, a bargain at only $15.00 per.
We drove down The Strip on Saturday night, only took an hour to go 3 miles. Note to self, never do that again.
Several hundred accidents, a couple more shootings (stay out of North Vegas), and 20 traffic jams later, we were back at the airport. By the way, our car was searched at the Hoover Dam. Like I said, lucky to get home alive.
