Have you ever wondered what Los Angeles is like? I have lived here for 13 years, coming from the UK, and it's a great place to be.
Before I came I wondered, guessed and even fantasised about Los Angeles, Hollywood and surounding areas and I thought you might like to know a thing or two; that's all it will be a thing or two.
Now why should I know so much about LA - as we got to call it -and why should I be setting myself up as some kind of expert? Well I'm not an expert but I still see things here like a child as I am relatively new to the place and I've been here long enough to know it very well.
Los Angeles has more theatres per capita than anywhere I know, more book shops, coffee shops and is the capital of world cinema.
Because it is the cinema capital - not counting Bollywood of course - there are many great movie houses with the latest screens and sound systems; you usually see movies here before anyone else on earth.
My favourite cinemas are the ArcLight on Sunset Boulevard at Vine and Laemmle's Sunset 5 which is an "art house" - you will see British movies like "Layer Cake" and "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" there and the latest blockbusters at the aforementiioned ArcLight.
Weekend conversations and news bulletins report the movie box office like the football results would be reported in Britain and there are many programmes on the radio about money; the stock market, insurance and "nine eleven" - but that's only on National Public Radio which is the equivalent to the BBC - except it's not run by licence fees; they have fund drives twice a year and if you are ever subject to a fund drive you would beg for the BBC and the licence system.
On the TV News nearly every day in Los Angeles they mention some murder - most of them are gang related so the best thing you can do is not go to South Central LA or even East LA; stay on the west side; it's safer.
But there are lots of guns here so don't be too complacent.
Apart from the police, who carry holstered pistols and some security guards at stores who sometimes carry guns, I have seen one gun in 13 years; that was shown to me by a fellow immigrant in the privacy of a house - oh yes there was that time when I was driving up Fairfax Avenue and I saw someone lying in the gutter with a policeman standing over him with a rifle - but I'd nearly forgotten about that!
I compare gun incidents to roads accidents in the UK; they are on the news, in the newspapers and you hear about them all the time but most of them are over by the time you arrive.
Los Angeles is full of crazy people - crazy in the nicest possible way; there is the guy who runs backwards everywhere: one day it rained so he called his run off but instead of going home forwards to get out of the rain quicker he ran backwards; now that's dedication; there are people who like their coffee half caffeine and half decaff with a dash of mocha and a dash of vanilla - coffee is important to them and is a way of life.
I go to the Farmer's Market most days; the wonderful Farmer's Market on the corner of Third and Fairfax for my large decaff and a doughnut from Bob's - right next to Patsy's Pizza where James Dean took his last bite before heading off to become a legend on September 30th 1955; there are loads of places like that where something famous and infamous happened years ago. I live around the corner from the hotel where Janis Joplin died from an overdose, I viewed an apartment where Devine died - Devine from the John Waters films - in fact you will see mock hearses driving the tourists around showing them where so and so died.
Of course because I have that doughnut most days I have to go to the gym and there are plenty of those - only here you are not allowed to use mobile (cell) phones in the changing rooms; with so many celebrities around you never know who is in there getting changed and what part of their anatomy might be getting photographed or filmed and ending up on YouTube.
