Most people when they think of going overseas to be a missionary, to study, to work, they all think of the culture shock of getting there. Adjusting to the food, the languages are just a few of the shocks of entering a new culture. Yet what is harder, especially for missionary children, is the return to the “home” culture. It is harder for the children because they have grown up in the “foreign” culture; yet to them it is “home”.
When changing cultures, parents have to take extra care of their children because of the reverse culture shock. Although it may seem that in the beginning their children are enjoying the new things, they will soon start having issues. Just a side note: not all children will go thought reverse culture shock. Parents must be cautious to the sings of reverse culture shock.
The first stage of reverse culture shock (also known as re-entry) is called the “honeymoon” stage. The “honeymoon” stage is when the person, in this case a missionary kid, is excited about being back. He is thrilled about seeing friends, family, having good “American food”, and speaking English constantly (Storti 57-58). The next stage is “reverse culture shock”; this is when the child begins to get board with all the things that were “new”. This stage may not come abruptly; it usually comes after all the rounds have been made to see family, friends and churches. The child might start to feel unwanted because everyone has already heard all the stories and assumes all is fine, even though the child might be suffering. Another thing that comes in this stage is feelings of judgment; everything “back home” in the foreign country seemed to be perfect, and the things that weren't perfect are completely forgotten (Storti 58-59) . This reaction is just like the Israel's after they were taken out of Egypt. Exodus 16:3, "We wish the LORD had killed us in Egypt. When we lived there, we could at least sit down and eat all the bread and meat we wanted. But you have brought us out here into this desert, where we are going to starve." Israel's conditions were horrible in Egypt, yet all that was forgotten when they were in the dessert, they only thought of the “good” that they had. Children especially will only try to remember the good times they had and will use that to prove that it is better on the field. An additional problem in re-entry is the sense of never being able to fit in.
This part of re-entry is called “life at the margins”, they neither feel at home in their mother country, nor do they feel at home in the “host” country (Storti 61). Children, especially teenagers, will be “required” to know what's “in”, and what music to listen to, and know who the new movie stars are; also in their home country they are expected to know what to do in certain situations. This can cause a lot of frustration because in the “host” country they were given a lot of leeway because they are foreigners. “Unhappy and disappointed, you naturally being to question the wisdom of coming home and wonder if you haven't made a mistake. If I dislike so much about my country and am so different from my compatriots, was coming here really such a good idea (Storti 63)?” Doubts not only occur with children, it also happens to adults.
One of the best ways to help the whole family get though reverse culture shock is to keep some type of routine. Try to keep some of the routines the family practiced on the field. Parents must understand that their children will all react in different ways to the change. Some will enjoy the change, some will be ok with it, and others will totally seclude themselves (Jordan 118-119). “Missionary children deal with all kinds of feelings during their furloughs. They often feel lonely, shy, socially inferior, fearful, and anxious. They hear the pain of missing their friends back "home" and even the house where they had lived on the mission field (Walters 9).” The best way for parents to try to deal with these feelings is by talking to their children. Some times the family should make a day where they act like the foreign culture. Speak the language, make food that is common in that country, and watch a movie in that language or about the place. Also, parents should try to get the children involved with other missionary children, or even foreign exchange students, this will help them see that they are not alone in the feelings they have.
“Living in a new culture can be exhilarating and intellectually stimulation. It can also be frustrating. It is one thing to visit a country and move on when you have seen enough; it is quite another to live there and function according to a different, and sometimes, mysterious set of norms (Cultural Adjustment 1).”
