This article is dedicated to a marvel of engineering called the telephone. When Alexander Graham Bell invented this modern miracle I believe, that never in his wildest dreams, did he envisage it would become the 21st century monster that it has. Once upon a time, only the privileged elite were the proud owners of one of these babies, but envy has turned to resentment as mass production and modern technology inspired its invasion into the homes of the majority, and the envied are now a cursed nation.
So, how did this enhancement of our ability to communicate turn into an object of hatred? Firstly Alexander was an inventor, not a prophet, and could therefore not foretell with any great clarity, the invention of the answering service or its effects. I feel that the answering service is almost akin to communism; a nice ideal which accumulated into an evil demon. The ideal of the various forms of answering services that have graced our telephones over the years is to take calls when you can't actually answer the phone, and therefore, not miss out on the opportunity to speak to someone. The modern day purpose however is to use your answer service to avoid ever having to speak to anyone ever again! I've often wondered why people pay for a telephone an answering service when they don't actually want to talk to anyone. To explain, how many times has someone given you their number which when called, you inevitably hear some form of recorded message? Being a reasonable thinking person, you assume they must be out or can't answer the phone. Six months later, messages 10, returned calls null point, you meet the same person again, and the punch line on parting company is? 'Give me a ring.' You explain that you tried to call but couldn't get in touch, and what do they say? 'Oh leave a message on the answer service.' This was the experience I had with a former (you'll see why I say former), friend of mine. I went through the above mentioned rigmarole at her request, working on the assumption that there's some very understandable reason why returned calls are still at null point, and on one miraculous occasion, my persistence and faith in human nature paid off and I made contact. My suggestion at some form social interaction following a curt and thinly veiled "what exactly do you want" type greeting, was followed up by, 'I couldn't possibly get back to you about that for at least the next three months' decline. What was left of my faith in human nature did not lead me to believe that I had simply called at a bad time so naturally, I gave up. The most baffling factor in the equation was when I encountered former friend some time later, she bewailed to me for ten minutes that she never hears from anyone because no one ever phones her!
I must confess that I am one of those strange creatures in society who used to phone people I hadn't seen for a while, just to ask how they were and let them know I was thinking about them. Note, I said used to. One, again former, old friend, was delighted to hear from me every time I phoned her and always ended our conversation with the words "keep in touch". I felt happy, she felt happy and everything was rosy. Or was it? Well I thought it was until I ran into another mutual friend, who had recently been in contact with the above mentioned acquaintance when I mentioned the fact that I regularly kept in touch with our mutual friend, was informed reluctantly over the course of the conversation she that the party concerned had complained bitterly that I was always phoning her and while she felt obliged to pass herself with me, she wished I would stop as I had her tortured. As I pride myself on being able to take a diplomatic hint never mind a breezeblock on the head, I never called again and since then, I have apparently transformed from the bloody nuisance to the bitch from hell who never phones!
I'm happy to say that my well meaning intentions have not always been interpreted in such manner but being the one who always keeps in touch is not always to one's advantage. Despite not having heard from a very good friend for the entire duration of my pregnancy, I gave her the benefit of the doubt concerning reasons for not phoning, assured by the belief that people don't intentionally resolve not to phone you for purely vindictive motives, and got in touch when my little bundle of joy came into the world. and we do lead such busy lives today six months could go by before you realize it. My heart lifted when my friend said she was so pleased to hear from me and was so glad I had got in touch, as she had often thought of me; up until the point were being a religious girl, she related how she prayed about you all the time, prayed for me at church every Sunday, and I when she found herself with a free afternoon at home thought, she must phone but then decided, "Oh I"m sure she'll phone me when the babies born' and she prayed for me instead. I know it's the thought that counts, but I've often felt that I would derive more benefit from people actually talking to me as opposed to talking to God about me. My suspicious nature has led me to question whether prayer, which is the mode of communication with God, has in itself become misused as a way to absolve ourselves of any personal responsibility, by placing the onus on the Almighty to do something we don't want to do ourselves.
