You will never have to pay for your preman's meals. For some obscure reason, that he will explain and you will never understand, preman dineat all the best Javanese roadside establishments for free.
Seeing Java from the back of a preman's Honda or Yamaha is the ideal way to go. You stop when and where you want. You may halt to poke around a wayside banana plantation to pick up a nice snack, have your head shaved bald (now the hot trend in parts of Java) spend a few minutes for a spot of Javanese reflexology watched over paternally by your preman.
Security Services
You can your preman to take good care of your safety and possessions throughout. If by any chance your laptop gets snatched while you are rapturous enjoying a superb grilled fish, don't panic. Inform your preman-of-the-moment. He will most likely jump on his Suzuki and roar off. Don't panic. He will return not only with your laptop but with the thief. You will be offered to punish the thief in your own fashion. When you decline to do so the preman and onlookers rough him about a bit send him hobbling and howling on his way.
Sightseeing Services
Yes, put yourself in the hands of the preman it is efficiency and value for money all the
way. Sight seeing is one exception. Preman can take your there but can't tell you anything about the ruins or sights. If he does it's usually ridiculous. Get you own guide book. The preman will know how to get you a Lonely Planet for cheap.
On the other hand a preman can take you to sights that are not in Lonely Planet or any other guide book. My preman once jumped off the road into a jungle track and after twenty minutes of a dark, terrifying ride deep in, he showed me a crater. He claimed it was made by a falling star three hundred years ago. I believed him. Other preman have taken me to cavernous under ground bat caves, little known, wondrously curative hot springs and a palpably evil haunted house.
The only disconcerting thing about riding pillion with a preman on Java's winding roads(once you leave the coast al areas you are going up all the time) is his using his mobile phone to talk to or to thumb out sms messages to business associates while roaring along at 100 kilometers an hour. However statistics show that riding pillion with a preman is safer than flying in Java.
Assorted Services
Once you reach your destination your preman will hand you over to a local preman.
If you choose to retain him any form of tourist service is yours for the asking. If want to go to a rock concert sponsored by one of the cigarette companies, as they usually are, ask your preman. Tickets are notoriously difficult to get for these events. Your preman will have no problems in getting you seats with the VIPs. He will pick you up at your Kost, where your Chinese proprietress looks like Michael Jackson, at the appointed time. It is part of the service to wait outside, search out, find you and steer you out through the thousands of people surging out of the stadium, after the show. Can American Express Travel and Tours beat this?
Another thing you will find useful is the preman communications network. My friend, I knew would be arriving in Medan, North Java that day. I knew nothing else of her, where she would stay or her mobile phone number. I asked my preman. He asked for a description. I am not too good about describing people but did the best I could. She called me four hours later.
This is what happened. My perman calledthe Central preman. Central then called Medan Chief Preman. He deployed his hotels and airport preman. He also alerted the Chief of the Medan motor-cycle taxis perman. An hour later it was a shopping mall perman, alerted by a quick-thinking hotel preman that spotted her at Baskin Robbins. It was later explained to me that the shopping mall preman had made a mental shortlist of likely places that a stoutish foreigner might visit. She thought, he was a pickpocket when he grabbed her elbow. After the fracas subsided she called me.
When it is time for you to go home your Preman can introduce you to dealer in Chinatown, who looks like Gordon Brown, with a stock bigger that that of an airport tax-free and priced twenty percent lower.
In Jakarta, I asked Karim if it was true that the preman were involved in prostitution and illegal gambling.
“Bullshit!” he replied indignantly.” We prevent moral decay by teaching misbehaving customers a lesson.” I didn't ask for details about the moral-reeducation programmes.
“We” he said rising on tip-toe and leaning towards me, “keep this country clean!”
